


We're Gonna Be Okay, Right?

by deanlovescastielkisses



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 10.9 coda, Blow Jobs, First Time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Impala Sex, Love Confessions, M/M, kind of, like it takes place a few weeks after that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 19:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanlovescastielkisses/pseuds/deanlovescastielkisses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Can be seen as a coda to 10.9 "The Things We Left Behind" but it wasn't set out to be one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Gonna Be Okay, Right?

It was a cold and rainy evening in Lawrence.

Not much has been happening across the country as far as the supernatural is concerned, so the brothers find themselves holed up in the bunker, researching anything they can get their hands on about the Mark.

Not having heard from Cas in a few days, Dean is beginning to get a little more cranky than normal. Sam notices, but doesn’t dare to comment.

Heavy pounding on the door breaks the brothers’ focus on their books and they look at each other in confusion. They draw their guns and head upstairs towards the main entrance.

With a quick nod back to Dean, Sam yanks the door open, fingers tight on their triggers as a wet and broken looking Castiel looks back at them, shivering slightly in the cold.

“Cas..” Sam breathes, “what are you-holy shit, come in,” he yanks on Cas’ wet sleeve and tugs him inside. Dean doesn’t say anything since he’s experiencing about 10 different emotions in a 30-second window; determination, confusion, anger, relief, _love, adoration._ He tries to push down those last two, but fails.

He can see his younger brother ushering the angel down towards their bedrooms, “We gotta get you some dry clothes, man. Here,” he pulls Cas into his room and Dean tries to ignore the flare of jealousy welling up inside.

 

* * *

 

Dean wanders to the kitchen and tries to make himself useful by making a pot of coffee. He thinks Cas likes coffee. Or is he more a tea drinker? Hot chocolate? His thoughts are interrupted as Cas shuffles into the kitchen.

“Where’s Sam?” Dean grunts, trying to make himself appear busy so he can avoid making eye contact.

“He’s reading in the library,” Cas almost whispers as he walks over to Dean. He wants to say so much. _Do_ so much. But he can’t.

A few minutes of almost unbearable silence is broken when Dean turns around and hands Cas a cup of coffee, “I wasn’t sure if you liked coffee but I made some anyways.”

“It’s perfect. Thank you,” he says softly as he wraps his cold fingers around the warm mug and inhales the bitter smell of the coffee. He takes a small sip as Dean stares at him, barely a few feet away. He places the coffee on the counter next to them and looks up, “Dean,” he starts.

Dean looks down at the ground and shakes his head, “Don’t, Cas. Just…don’t,” he sighs, “Just…tell me. Where the hell have you been, man? I’ve been praying for days, begging you to come back,” he finishes softly, still not looking at Cas.

“I know you have and…I’m-I’m sorry, Dean.”

Before Cas had the chance to realize it, Dean was pulling on his shoulders to bring him in for a hug, “Where have you been, Cas?” he whispers, trying to hold back tears.

Cas melts into Dean’s arms and wraps his arms tightly around him, “I’ve been trying to find a way to get rid of the Mark,” he pulls back from the hug, “I’m sorry but…I just don’t know what to do, Dean.”

Dean tenses, “Cas, have you ever come to think that I might just have to live the rest of my life with the damn thing?”

“But, you can’t! It’s running you into the ground and I would rather die than sit back and watch it consume you like this,” he turns his back on Dean, running a hand through his hair.

“The Mark isn’t so bad, Cas,” he says at an attempt to make light of the situation, “I’m a better hunter.”

He turns and looks at Dean, “No. You’re not, Dean. Sure, you may be able to kill things quicker than before but…that doesn’t mean you’re a better hunter,” he tries to avoid mentioning the fact that he had recently killed a room full of people that didn’t necessarily deserve to be killed.

He tries to smile, “I’m alright, Cas. No need to worry over me.”

“You can’t tell me to not worry about you. It’s never going to happen.”

He lays a hand on Cas’ shoulder, looking into his eyes, “I’m fine. I promise. The only thing wrong with me right now is my empty stomach.”

Cas looks back into Dean’s eyes but they’re not as full of life as they once were. They’re much duller and Cas tries to smile for him, but falters, “Let’s go eat, then.”

He grins, the smile not really reaching his eyes, “Wanna go get burgers with me?”

“Of course,” Cas smiles softly.

Dean calls out to Sam that they will be back in a couple hours as he shrugs his jacket on.

 

* * *

 

Cas has always been in tune with Dean’s soul in one way or another and, even more so now than ever before, it calls out to Cas, begging to be saved and it breaks his heart knowing that he’s unable to do so. He can only attempt to put on a fake smile for Dean and pretend that everything is okay because that’s what Dean wants. He might not be able to do so for much longer, though.

“Anywhere you wanna go?” Dean asks as they walk through the garage towards the Impala.

“You can pick,” he says as he climbs in the passenger seat.

“Alright,” he says as he turns some of his music on. He hums along with the music, glancing at Cas every now and then who is perfectly content with watching the trees pass by in a blur out of his window.

“Cas…” he begins after a few moments of silence, “You know…what I did back in that room. With those guys. They were gonna hurt Claire and I-“

He turns and looks at him, “You don’t have to explain it to me, Dean.”

He clenches his jaw, “Yeah, I do. It’s, uhh…the Mark, you know…it came over me. It still has some kind of stupid hold on me and if it turns me into a demon again…Cas, man, you gotta end it.”

Cas sighs, turning his head to look back out his window, “Do you even realize what it is you’re asking me to do when you say that? I fought my way through Hell to save you. I have died countless times trying to save you and now you’re just asking me to kill you?” He voice shakes and he looks back over at Dean, “I won’t do it. I couldn’t.”

“You gotta realize that I’ll be a monster, Cas. Hell, I’m already a freaking monster. What if I go after Sam again? What if I go after you?” He shakes his head, looking back towards the road, “I don’t wanna go through that shit again.”

“We will find a way, Dean. I’m sure of it,” he reaches over and pats Dean’s knee.

“There ain’t no cure for this. I just know it,” he looks down at Cas’ hand, his own finger twitching against the steering wheel, wanting so desperately to curl his own fingers around Cas’.

Cas sighs and pulls his hand away, “Sorry,” he mumbles and curls himself into the passenger door.

Dean sighs, missing the warmth on his knee and he continues his drive. After finally reaching the burger joint and parking, he looks over at the angel, “Cas…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I just…I just wish that things were different,” he sighs and climbs out of the car, walking towards the entrance.

Dean watches Cas walks for a few brief seconds before pulling himself out of whatever trance he was in. He catches up to Cas and leads them towards a booth for them to sit in.

Cas plops in the booth across from Dean and opens the menu. His stomach growls at the sight of the pictures of delicious burgers but has no appetite to eat anymore.

A blond, curvy waitress comes over to them with a smile, “Hi, there. What can I get for you boys?” She places a hand on her hip and smiles down at Dean.

Dean opens his menu before looking up at the waitress. Normally, flirting with her would be a requirement, but all the shit going on with him discourages him from doing so. He orders himself a bacon cheeseburger with a forced smile as he hands her his menu.

“I’ll have the same,” Cas mumbles as he passes her his menu as well.

As she goes to walk away, Cas idly fumbles with his napkin, trying to think of something to say, but fails.

He watches Cas, worried about him now. He gently bumps his foot into Cas’ and leans forward, “Cas…” he begins, trying to find the right thing to say to hopefully make Cas understand, “I just don’t wanna hurt anyone else. I’m tired of causing pain,”

“I know,” he looks into his eyes, “but you giving up like this, it’s hurting me. And Sam, of course. I just…I don’t want you giving up so easily.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, I mean, what is there for me to even live for anymore? You and Sam would be way better off without me,” he mumbles as he makes a fist with his right arm, looking down at where the Mark burns against his skin under the sleeve of his jacket.

Cas scoffs and sits back in his chair, baffled, “You are an idiot, Dean Winchester. Sam has died for you because he loves you. I have died for you because I…” he stops himself and clears his throat with a shake of his head, “So, you thinking so little of yourself is very insulting to me.”

He stares at Cas, “Because you what, Cas? What do you feel? Do you love me, too?” He tries to stop his lower lip from trembling but fails because he’s trying to stop the tear that’s threatening to slide down his cheek.

“It doesn’t matter,” he shakes his head.

His eyes soften slightly, “Cas, please.”

Cas looks up into Dean’s eyes and lets out a shaky sigh, “I do love you, Dean. I always have. I just…I didn’t want things to be this way. I always imagined that things would be different for us, you know?” He tries to smile.

Dean leans forward, reaching out to grab one of Cas’ hands that are resting on the table. He hesitates before grabbing it and offers another smile, “Yeah, nothing ever seems to go according to plan around here.”

Cas lets out a small sigh of relief when Dean reaches for his hand. He smiles and holds it in his own as he looks into Dean’s eyes.

His emotions are too strong right now and he has to avert his gaze from Cas’ eyes, opting to look down at their joined hands instead. He rubs his thumb across Cas’ knuckles.

Of course, the waitress comes up and interrupts this “moment” and clears her throat. Sounding somewhat annoyed, she drops their plates of burgers and fries and storms away before Cas could ask for the ketchup. “She seems irritated,” he mumbles to Dean.

Dean reluctantly pulls his hand from Cas’ and pulls his burger closer towards himself. “She’s probably annoyed at how a handsome guy like you was holding hands with me,” he winks at Cas before sinking his teeth into his burger. He groans around a mouthful, “I’ve missed this.”

Cas blushes and takes a bite of his burger as well, “Me too,” he smiles.

The rest of their meal is silent and he nudges Dean’s foot with his own, reminding himself that Dean is still there, alive and sitting across from him. Almost as if Dean is going to vanish if he looks away for even a second. The feeling doesn’t settle easy with Cas, but he’ll deal with it somehow.

 

* * *

 

Dean smiles around his burger and gently nudges Cas foot back.

They both finish their burgers and lean back in their chairs with contented sighs. The waitress comes back around and plops their check on the table and walks away with a huff.

Cas just smiles and grabs the check, “We should leave her a nice tip, Dean.”

“You can’t be serious,” he chuckles.

“Of course I am,” he says in all seriousness, “We should set the example and be the bigger people. It could really make a difference for her.”

Dean smiles and shakes his head, “Alright, fine. Here,” he hands Cas enough money to pay for the bill and then drops a twenty on the table.

They both get up from their booth and Dean takes his keys out of his pocket, “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, umm…I’m just gonna go wash my hands real quick,” he gestures towards the bathroom. “I’ll meet you in the car?”

Dean nods and heads out.

As soon as Dean is out of eyesight, Cas picks up his phone and dials Sam, “Sam, look. Dean is at the point where I think he’s giving up and he can’t…he just…we can’t let him give up. No matter how bad things get, we need to keep working to find a way.”

“Yeah, Cas, I know that. I just-“

“I told him that I love him,” he nearly whispers. Luckily, Sam has been there for Cas over the past few months and has been able to talk with Cas through his thoughts and feelings about Dean.

“Really? Oh, man, Cas. How did it go?”

“I think he reciprocates though he never actually told me. But that’s beside the point. We just need to continue to fight for him, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll, umm, keep digging and see if something new pops up.”

Cas hangs up his phone and meets Dean out in the car and finds him leaning back in his seat, listening to music. He looks up at Cas, “Get in. I was thinking that, uh, you know…we go for a drive someplace private?” He gives a shy grin.

Cas huffs out a small laugh, “Okay, but, what for?”

Dean shrugs, “You’ll see when we get there.”

 

* * *

 

About 15 minutes go by in comfortable silence and Dean pulls them up on a cliff that over looks Lawrence. It’s a gorgeous view on a clear night, but even though the rain has stopped, it’s still cloudy overhead. It’s still a nice view, though.

Dean puts the car in park and looks over at Cas, “See, I know that you didn’t really get to experience all of the cliché, romantic teenager things but…I figured we can start now and experience them together since I kinda missed out on a few of them, too.” He glances over at Cas, making sure that this was all okay for him, “One of those things is sitting in your car and making out with someone while you’re parked on a cliff,” he tries to not let his nervousness creep through his voice.

Cas blushes and laughs lightly, “Okay,” he fumbles with his hands in his lap, unable to keep them still.

“No need to be so nervous, Cas,” he says softly as he reaches his hand over to rest on Cas’.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles. “I just…I’ve been waiting for this for so long and I-I can’t believe that this is actually happening,” he turns in his seat and faces Dean, biting his lip nervously, “I’m not sure if I understand exactly what I’m supposed to do here.”

“Alright,” he grins, “lean forward.” Thanking God that he has a bench seat in the front so sliding over to Cas is a lot easier than having to maneuver around a center console. He licks his lips, “I’m sure you know how to do the rest,” he smiles, just inches from Cas, “I saw how you kissed Meg.”

Cas scoffs, “You had to bring that up, didn’t you?” He laughs lightly and leans in, resting his hands on Dean’s lap and presses his lips against Dean’s. Softly at first, almost as if moving too quickly would somehow ruin the moment.

“Mhm,” Dean smiles as he tilts his head to kiss Cas back. He runs a hand up Cas’ arm, rubbing slowly as he kisses him. It felt…easy. Normal. _Right._ He thinks he could do this all day long.

Cas sighs into the kiss, loving it more than he ever thought he could. He brings a hand up and runs it through Dean’s hair, settling on the back of his neck, pulling him in for an even deeper kiss. He opens his mouth and swallows any noise coming from Dean.

Already, Dean can feel the heat pooling down in his groin. Really? What, is he a freaking teenager again? He shifts slightly as he kisses him, sliding his tongue out to meet Cas’. He rests one of his hands on Cas’ thighs, rubbing it slowly but not heading too far up.

Cas moans when Dean’s tongue makes first contact with his and also feels this overwhelming desire pool down in his lower abdomen. He breaks away from the kiss and breathlessly whispers his name into the small amount of space between them.

Panting, he rests his forehead against Cas’, smiling slightly, “Yeah?” He squeezes Cas’ thigh, “You okay?”

Swallowing thickly he responds, “I…I need you…”

He looks at Cas, feeling almost nervous, “You need me? What do you need?” He uses his other hand to run his fingers through Cas’ hair.

“I don’t know…” he admits honestly, “I just…I love you,” he looks up at Dean, “You don’t have to say it back. Not if you’re not ready to. But, I just want you to know it.”

He leans forward and kisses Castiel back, eyes watering with tears, “You know that I love you too, right? I’ve tried to deny it. I’ve tried to tell myself that it isn’t that but…I just can’t anymore.”

Cas smiles fondly and caresses Dean’s cheek with his hand. “Then don’t,” he whispers before pulling him in for another open-mouthed kiss.

Dean closes his eyes, tears streaming down his face as he kisses Cas back. The hand on Cas’ thigh slowly traveled up and down, just relishing in the sensation of Cas like this.

Cas kisses Dean’s tears away before leaning back against the passenger door, pulling on Dean to follow him. He finds Dean’s hand with his own and intertwines their fingers together.

“D-Dammit, Cas,” he grunts shortly after the switch positions. “This doesn’t really work up here,” he kisses him once, “We need to get in the back. If…if that’s okay with you,” he looks into Cas’ eyes.

Cas leans up and kisses his forehead before sliding up and over the front seat into the back. He lands with an awkward ‘oof’ and he laughs at the face Dean makes at him, “I’m not very graceful,” he mumbles.

“Yeah, I know you’re not,” Dean giggles as he shimmies over the seat with ease, plopping down next to Cas and Dean is suddenly aware of where this is heading. He swallows thickly and takes Cas’ hand in his own, “Are you okay with this? If we’re…if this is moving too fast, it would be okay if you wanted to stop.”

Cas responds by leaning in and kissing Dean, “I want this,” he whispers as he leans back into Dean’s space and gently lies him down on the bench seat.

The weight of Cas on top of him, pressing against him in all the right places, is heaven. They continue kissing and Cas slowly starts thrusting his hips down on Dean, seeking friction, and moans into Dean’s lips, “Mmm…I want…you, Dean,” he mumbles as he continues to kiss him, “I just…I don’t know what to do,” he pulls back far enough to look into Dean’s eyes.

Dean rolls himself and Cas over so Dean is now above him. He leans in and peppers soft, wet kisses along Cas’ neck, nibbling softly as he grabs one of Cas’ hands, pressing it against himself, “Just…do what come to mind. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you.”

Cas can feel Dean bulging through his jeans, making them both whimper.

“Okay,” he palms Dean’s erection and rubs, “Can I?” He gestures towards Dean’s belt and zipper.

Closing his eyes, he presses up into Cas’ hand, “Yeah…go for it,” he pants.

Cas swallows thickly and undoes Dean’s belt and zipper and _finally_ comes in contact with hard skin, “Dean…” he breathes as he wraps his fist around Dean’s shaft, pumping up and down as he pulls him out of his underwear.

Dean’s hips jerk at the sudden contact. He closes his eyes and leans his head forward to rest it against Cas’ shoulder, “Shit, Cas. I already like you touching me even more now.”

“Yeah?” he breathes as he continues to pump his fist, “What else do you like?” He asks with a grin.

“Mmm…I like you kissing me,” he whispers as he presses his lips against Cas’, softly. “And maybe your pretty little mouth wrapped around me.”

Cas hungrily returns the kiss by pushing Dean back against the opposite door, so now Cas is back above him. He peppers kisses down Dean’s neck and lifts up his shirt, exposing his stomach, and worships the skin there by peppering kisses along it. He finally works his way down to his pants and slides them down Dean’s legs, bunching them around his knees.

He places more kisses along Dean’s hips and finally licks the slit of Dean’s cock, tasting and loving the tang of the precome that has accumulated there.

Dean tilts his head back as far as he can, causing him to arch his back with a gasp, “Oh, Cas,” he breathes, “Cas, I was right. I love your mouth.” He runs a hand through Cas’ hair, “I really love it.”

Cas moans over Dean’s praise and he grabs Dean’s shaft and tilts it up, allowing him access to his balls as he takes them in his mouth, sucking on them and releasing them with a wet slurp. He licks a strips up Dean’s shaft to the tip and wraps his lips around it, sinking slowly and then coming back up.

He looks down, panting as he watches Cas’ every move. “Mmm,” he hums, “Just like that, baby.” He bites his lip as he continues running his fingers through Cas’ hair, pushing him down slightly and then pulls him back up, “Agh…don’t finish me off just yet, okay?”

Cas pulls off with a very serious expression, “Why? I assumed that you would want to orgasm as soon as possible.”

Dean smiles softly as he sits up, pushing Cas back gently, “I do. But, I wanna share it with you, okay?” He smiles as he unbuttons Cas’ pants and pushes them down along with his boxers. He sighs softly at the image presented before him and leans in to kiss him before asking, “You still with me?”

Cas kisses him back and nods, “Yes, Dean…please,” he whispers, “I want to feel you.”

He kisses Cas once more as he takes his length into his hand, “Tell me what you want.”

Cas whimpers and falls back against the door, pulling Dean back on top of him, “Kiss me,” he breathes as he wraps his hand around Dean’s shaft.

Doing as he’s told he leans down and captures Cas’ lips in a hard kiss, moaning as they pump each other. He angles himself so his cock it lined up with Cas’ and he grabs Cas’ hand and wraps it around both of them and he thrusts into it. “Fuck…” he breathes.

Their thrusts become quicker and rougher. The pull of skin on skin getting slicker as precome oozes from their slits. “Mmm…Dean…I’m gonna…I think I’m close.”

“Just hold it for a little bit longer, babe,” he whines and licks stripes across Cas’ neck.

He bites his lip and groans through their thrusts. He looks up at Dean and makes eye contact but has to tear his gaze away, “Dammit…” he whimpers, “Looking at you isn’t helping, Dean. You’re so beautiful,” he whines.

“Just a little bit longer,” he gently bites Cas’ neck, panting harder. He closes his eyes tightly, “O-okay, Cas. Now,” he cries out, releasing his load over Cas’ stomach with a moan.

Cas grabs onto Dean’s shoulder and arches his back, “Dean!” he cries out, spurting his release all over himself, mixing with Dean’s. He lies there, trying to catch his breath.

“Cas…” he whispers as he looks down at their mess. He kisses Cas gently and lowers himself down to Cas’ stomach. He glances up, making sure that Cas is watching him, before licking a stripe of cum off of him.

Cas’ eyes widen and his cock makes a valiant effort at coming back to life, but fails. “Dean,” he breathes as he runs a hand through Dean’s hair, “I love you,” he says softly as he swipes a thumb across his cheek.

Dean hums, “I love you, too.” He soon licks up the rest of it and even cleans Cas’ cock by sucking on it gently.

Cas hisses from the over-stimulation, but pulls Dean up for another sloppy kiss.

Dean lazily returns it, ready to cuddle for a bit, “That was amazing, Cas,” he smiles softly.

“It was,” he whispers as he pulls Dean to lie on top of him. One arm around Dean’s back, the other wrapped around Dean’s head as he softly caresses the back of his head. Dean wraps his arms tightly around Cas’ body, head lying on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat lulling him to sleep.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, “Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“We’re gonna be okay, right?”

 Dean opens his eyes and focuses on Cas’. He lets out a heavy sigh before answering, “I hope so.”

Cas doesn’t respond. He just squeezes his arms around Dean even tighter.


End file.
